Step 1: Decide that you would like to have a shelf in your kitchen, and go buy a shelf. (Pro tip: order it online and have it delivered to your doorstep for maximum convenience and optimal laziness!)
Step 3: Drill holes for wall anchors. (Optional: feel like a badass for using a power tool. 😎)
Step 4: Try to insert wall anchors into the holes you drilled. Discover the holes aren't big enough. Swap out for a bigger drill bit and make the holes bigger.
Step 5: Re-attempt to insert wall anchors. (The holes still aren't big enough?!) Grind around to make the holes a little bigger.
Step 6: Gently tap wall anchors in. ... Realize the holes still aren't big enough. Swear.
Step 7: Repeat steps 5 and 6 many times.
Step 8: Wonder if perhaps you're "gently tapping" too gently, and start hammering wall anchors more aggressively.
Step 9: Bend and contort wall anchors to an extent that you're not sure if they're still usable. Remove them from the wall and pitch them across the room.
Step 10: Fish through your cache of random supplies for different wall anchors.
Step 11: Insert new wall anchors into the holes and easily screw them in with a Phillips-head screwdriver. (Success!)
Step 12: Manage to not quite get one wall anchor flush with the wall. (... Close enough!) Insert screws into wall anchors.
Step 13: Hang shelf on wall... and discover that the shelf isn't level because your screws need to be further into the wall, but you've pretty much stripped out the screws already to get them this far. Swear again.
Step 14: Dig felt furniture pads out of your drawer and stick them on the back of the shelf to make it flush with the wall. (Optional: congratulate yourself on your ingenuity!)
Step 15: Re-hang shelf on wall... and discover that the felt pads have overcorrected the problem and now the shelf is tilted too far up instead of too far down. Swear some more.
Step 16: Carefully peel felt pads off the back of the shelf and stick on leftover lower-profile cabinet bumpers you found in your drawer instead.
Step 17: PRAY.
Step 18: Hang shelf on wall... and determine that although it's not perfect, the shelf looks the best you've seen it look yet. Remind yourself that you're (fairly) confident it's not going anywhere and that there's nothing more to be done to improve it at this point.
Step 19: Decorate your shelf accordingly.
Step 20: Text your friends and family and write a blog post about it. Feel accomplished, but also a little bit bitter. (Vow to never hang anything on a wall ever again, but know that you'll be doomed to repeat the process sooner or later.) Rest and bask in the greatness of your new shelf!
Time to complete: 1.5 hours or more (results may vary)
